"Miss Susie Had A Steamboat" And Some Other Children's Profanity Avoidance Rhymes That Include The Words "Ask Me No More Questions"

Molly Whuppie, May 18, 2023

A clapping song with IMPLIED cussing.  Often sung by rascals.  Miss Susie is sometimes replaced by Miss Lucy or other names.  There are many versions of this song!

 

Miss Susie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie went to Heaven
the steamboat went to... 

Hello operator
Please give me number 9
and if you disconnect me
I'll chop off your...

Behind the refrigerator
There is a piece of glass
and if you dare to step on it
I'll kick you in the...

ASK me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
zipping up their...

Flies are in the country
Bees are in the park
Miss Susie and her boyfriend
are kissing in the...

Dark is like a movie
A movie's like a show
A show is on the TV screen
and that is all...

I know I know my mama
I know I know my paw

I know I know my sister
and her 18 dollar...

broccoli is delicious
spinach makes me cry
miss Susie told me all of this
the day before she...

Dyed her hair all purple
she dyed her hair all pink
she dyed her hair all polka dot
and washed it down the sink

Hello operator,
Please give me number ten.
And if you disconnect me,
I’ll sing this song again!

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Edited by Azizi Powell

This pancocojams post presents some examples of English language children's profanity avoidance rhymes that include the words "ask me no more questions/I'll tell you no more lies".

The content of this post is presented for folkloric, cultural, and recreational purposes.

All copyrights remain with their owners.

Thanks to all those who contributed examples or comments to this post.
-snip-
Click https://pancocojams.blogspot.com/2013/10/similarities-differences-between-bang.html for the closely related pancocojams post entitled "Similarities & Differences Between "Bang Bang Lulu" & "Miss Lucy Had A Steamboat" ".

WARNING - The websites that are given in this post contain Some rhyme examples that include much more explicit examples of profanity and other "naughty" words and references (socially taboo words and references, including sexual references) than the examples that are documented in this pancocojams post.

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COMMENTS ABOUT CHILDREN'S PROFANITY AVOIDANCE RHYMES 
http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=21978
Subject: 'Teasing' songs
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 30 May 00 - 

"There are many songs* in which rhymning patterns etc are used to create anticipation of vulgarities, which are either averted at the last moment or at least resolve innocently
-snip-
*The word "songs" in this comment also refers to rhymes.

**
http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=21978
Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: DADGBE
Date: 30 May 00 

... "Thare's a whole group of songs, usually in round form which appear innocuous when read but become ribald when sung in just the way you describe. They're called "catches" and were very popular with English singing clubs during eras of increased sexual repression (like the last 200 years!). Henry Purcel wrote many catches which are still widely sung."

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Notice the comment in the summary to the video that is embedded in this post that states "[This is ] "A clapping song with IMPLIED cussing."

**
Also, notice this comment that is given below in Source #1 by Sheye:

..."welcome to my childhood naughtiness....These were the playground songs. The defiance we felt, and the giggling. Looking back, it was neat the way the teachers just rolled their eyes and ignored us, giving us the space to be inducted into that circle of childhood comraderie, much like the secret handshake, and knowing that we didn't mean it (really!)."

**
Also, commenter Frank McGrath wrote in 2000 in that same "teasing rhymes" Mudcat thread an example of  another rhyme that doesn't include the "Ask me no more question" or "ask my mother" words: "That was one delightful song in which we gloried during my early youth. Oh, the thrilling naughtyness of it all...without saying one bad word."

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EXAMPLES OF CHILDREN'S PROFANITY AVOIDANCE RHYMES

These examples are given in no particular order. The online sources are numbered for referencing purposes only.

Source #1
https://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=2794

Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits
From: Earl
Date: 12 Sep 97 

"Here's a naughty song to the tune of "Goodnight Ladies"

Mary had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell
The steamboat went to heaven and Mary went to
Hello operator give me number nine
If they do not answer please refund my dime
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies
If you get hit with a bucket of sh-t* be sure to shut your eyes

 

There are more verses."
-snip-
*This word is fully spelled out in that example.

**

Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits
From: Laoise
Date: 15 Sep 97

"We had a different version to Miss Lucy...

 Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly,
She threw it up into the air and caught it by it's...
Willie was a sheep dog sitting on the ground
Along came a bee and stung him on his....
Ask no questions tell no lies,
Ever see a p'liceman doing up his....
Flies are a nuisance, bugs are worse
And this is the end of my silly little verse."

**

Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits
From: Sheye
Date: 15 Sep 97 

...welcome to my childhood naughtiness.

Three Irishmen

Three irishmen, three irishmen,
Sitting in a ditch
One called the other a dirty son of a

Peter Piper had a dog, a mighty fine dog was he,
He sold it to a lady to keep her company.
She fed it, she pet it, she taught it how to jump.
It jumped right up her petticoat and grabbed her by the

Country boy, country boy, sitting on a fence,
Along came a bumble bee and stung him on the
Cocktail, gingerale, ten cents a glass,
If you do not like it, just shove it up your

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no more lies,
If you happen to get hit with a bucket of sh-t,*
Be sure to close your eyes!

[Pancocojams Editor: This post continues with a few other examples.]

 Also did the Miss Lucy thing, but the glass was behind the

Iron Curtain instead of the fridge.

 

These were the playground songs. The defiance we felt, and the giggling. Looking back, it was neat the way the teachers just rolled their eyes and ignored us, giving us the space to be inducted into that circle of childhood comraderie, much like the secret handshake, and knowing that we didn't mean it (really!).
-snip-
*This word is fully spelled out in this example.

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Source #2
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=84511

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bang Bang Rosie [Mudcat: Bang Bang Rosie]
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 10 Sep 05 

"Here's the version my I learned from my Mom (she says she used to shock her Aunties with it when she was a kid):

Bang bang Lulu, Lulu's gone away
Who's gonna bang bang Lulu
Now that she's away?
Lulu had two boyfriends, both were very rich
One was the son of a banker
The other was a son of a
Beech nuts, beech nuts, five cents a pack
If you don't like them, I'll shove them up your
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no more lies
A man got hit with a bag of (pause)
Right between the eyes."

**
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bang Bang Rosie
From: GUEST,Leila xx
Date: 21 May 08 

"I don't know bang-bang lulu or whatever but I know Miss Susie had a steamboat!

Miss Susie had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell.
Miss Susie went to heaven. The steamboat went to—
Hell-o operator, please get me number nine!
And if you disconnect me, I'll kick you from behind
The 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass.
Miss Lucy sat upon it, and broke her little ass-
K me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies.
The boys are in the bathroom, pulling down their flies
Are in the meadow, the bees are in the park.
Miss Rosie and her boyfriend, are kissing in the dark-
Er than the river, oh darker than the sea!
Darker than the underwear my grandma put on me.
I know my mother, and I know my pa.
I also know my sister with the forty-acre bra.
My mom's Godzilla. my father is King Kong.
My brother is the stupid one who made up this dumb song.
Oh operator, please get me number ten,
And if you disconnect me, I'll sing this song again!"

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Source #3
cocojams.com [This website is no longer active.]*

Miss Susie had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell.
The steamboat went to heaven. Miss Susie went to ——.

Hello, operator. Give me number nine,
And if you disconnect me, I'll chop off your ——.

Behind the refrigerator, There was a piece of glass.
Miss Suzie sat upon it, and cut her little ——.

Ass-k me any question, I tell no lies.
The boys are in the girl's bathroom, Zipping down their ——.

Flies are in the city. Bees are in the park.
(Friend's name) and her (his) boy (girl) friend, Are kissing in the D-a-r-k, D-a-r-k, D-a-r-k, dark, dark, dark.

The dark is like the movies. The movies like the show.
The show is like the TV set, and that is all I know.

I know I know my ma. I know I know my pa.
I know I know my sister with the forty-acre bra.

My mother is Godzilla. My father is King Kong.
My brother is the stupid one who taught me this song.

My mother gave me a nickel. My father gave me a dime.
My sister gave me her old boyfriend. His name was Frankenstein.

He made me do the dishes. He made me wash the floors.
He made me clean his underwear, so I kicked him out the door.

I kicked him over London. I kicked him over France.
I kicked him over Hawaii where he learned the hula dance.

He swam across the ocean. He swam across the sea.
He swam across the tub just to get to me.

I flushed him down the tub. I drained the water good.
I kicked him out just like my mama said I should.

In Hawaii, he met the good girls. In Hawaii, he met the bad.
Halfway through Hawaii he ran into my dad.

The good girls go to heaven, So the bad girls go to ——.
Hello, operator. Give me number ten,
And if you disconnect me, I'll sing this song again!
-Elle F.; cocojams,  November 18, 2006
-snip-
*"cocojams" was the name of  my cultural website that was active from January 2001 to Nov. 2014. A lot of children and teenagers used that website's easy feature for posting examples of rhymes and cheers.

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Source #4
From http://www.gameskidsplay.net/jump_rope_ryhmes/jump_miss_susie.htm

 Contributed by Joanna - Thank you!

"Miss Susie had a steamboat
the steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie went to heaven
the steamboat went to...

Hello operator please give me number nine
and if you disconnect me
i'll kick you from...

behind the refrigerator there was a piece of glass
Miss Susie fell upon it and cut her little...
ask me no more questions
tell me no more lies

Miss Susie told me everything the day before she...
Died her hair in purple,
died her hair pink,
died her hair in polka-dots
and washed it down the...

Sink me in the ocean,
Sink me in the sea,
Sink me in/down the toilet,
But please don't pee on me!"

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