Edited by Azizi Powell
This pancocojams post showcases the spoken word performance of "Brown Boy, White Boy" by Jonathan Mendoza.
This powerfully written and performed spoken word documents the internal and external struggles of a person who is mixed race.
A complete transcription of this composition is included in this post along with selected comments from this YouTube video's discussion thread.
The content of this post is presented for socio-cultural and aesthetic purposes.
All copyrights remain with their owners.
Thanks to Jonathan Mendoza for this spoken word and thanks to all those who are quoted in this post. Thanks also to the publisher of this video on YouTube.
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SHOWCASE VIDEO: Jonathan Mendoza - "Brown Boy, White Boy" (NPS 2015)
Button Poetry, Published on Sep 20, 2015
[...] Performing for The House Slam during prelims at the 2015 National Poetry Slam. The House Slam won the tournament.
About Button:
Button Poetry is committed to developing a coherent and effective system of production, distribution, promotion and fundraising for spoken word and performance poetry.
We seek to showcase the power and diversity of voices in our community. By encouraging and broadcasting the best and brightest performance poets of today, we hope to broaden poetry's audience, to expand its reach and develop a greater level of cultural appreciation for the art form.
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SPOKEN WORD: BROWN BOY, WHITE BOY
(by Jonathan Mendoza)
Biracial boy in social justice seminar is asked to join racial affinity group
People of color or white
White boy does not want to infiltrate safe space for people of color
Brown boy does not want to keep white people from having honest, constructive dialogue
Biracial boy does not know what he is, recalls posting a survey on Facebook in middle school asking how people categorized him
That it would determine his clothes, his music, how he spoke
Biracial boy wishes his skin came with an instruction manual
Brown boy tells white boy he should not identify as a person of color
That he can pass
That he should not appropriate a struggle that is not his
White boy tells brown boy he will not identify as white
Erase the brown from his blood
Will not be the one who finishes the colonization of his own body
Brown boy visits family in Mexico
Realizes he is the whitest intruder since conquistadores
Brown boy goes to white synagogue
Is in the only family not invited to the dinner party
Biracial boy is welcome everywhere
Biracial boy is not welcome everywhere
Biracial boy is tug of war
But biracial boy is both sets of hands pulling at each end
And biracial boy is sorry for this poem
For taking up space
Does not know if it's his white self that's doing so
If it's even letting the brown self speak
White boy apologizes for his privilege
Brown boy resents white boy for taking up so much space with apologies
White boy says "I'm sorry"
Brown boy says "You're doing it again"
Brown boy hates his white
This legacy like shingles all over his face
White boy gone
But biracial boy to brown family is still white
Still looks like coyote
Biracial boy is still the discolored sheep of each family and the dog that hunts it
Wishes he were a purebred and not a mutt
Brown boy asks white boy what it's like not to get profiled
To go to your cousin's wedding in Arizona and feel safe
White boy goes to white barbecue, meets white cop
White cop does not know boy is biracial, starts talking immigration policy
Brown boy screams, hides in white skin
White skin silence
White skin shield
White boy protected
White boy savior
Brown boy does not need white savior
Strikes back at white self
But biracial boy during Latino uprising does not know if he should sit down or speak up
To which army society has drafted him
Biracial boy is tug of war but biracial boy is the rope
Is fraying
Cannot hold his self together
Biracial boy hates being two different selves
Recalls it's the world that made him this way
That splits him in half
Held oppressor and oppressed
Insect and the boot
And biracial boy is both of them"
-snip-
posted on the video's discussion thread by Sara Wexler, 2017
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SELECTED COMMENTS FROM THIS VIDEO'S DISCUSSION THREAD
[Numbers are added for referencing purposes only.]
1. Dylan Elliott, 2015
""Biracial boy is sorry for this poem, for taking up space, does not know if it's his white self that's doing so, if it's even letting the brown self speak." This is my struggle. I know this so well. This poem is beautiful and I thank Jonathan Mendoza for speaking it."
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2. isabelle happyfeet, 2015
"I....what do I even say to this? there are one thousand layers to this poem that I don't even know how to unpack. This is a crisis of identity that is so heartbreaking especially given our current racial climate. but I just hope he has people who make room for him to be everything he is, the entire spectrum, and sway with him as he tries to unpack his identity. much love bro!
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3. Diaries Of A Possessed Boy, 2015
""biracial boy is both the discolored sheep of the family, and the dog that hunts it" I have shivers, its been so long since I listened to a slam poem, and this first one back is the nest yet. simply beautiful"
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4. summer v, 2015
" "the oppressed and the oppressor. the insect and the boot"🙌"
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REPLY
5. Demetrius, 2015
"😭CHILLS!!!!!! Oh my god. 👏👏👏👏"
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REPLY
6. Baka Iggy, 2015
"The dilemma was beautifully portrayed, and the emotions were near to perfect. Amazing."
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REPLY
7. UnicornxSims, 2016
""Biracial boy is tug of war but biracial boy is both sets of hands pulling at each end""
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REPLY
8. summer v, 2015
"half white and half Mexican. i feel you <3"
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REPLY
9. alexis, 2015
"Same"
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REPLY
10. Saiko Y, 2016
"I'm black and white, people either think im white or hispanic. Some think I'm both"
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REPLY
11. Storm Bey, 2016
"+summer v But Mexican isn't a race though, over 60 percent in America are white. So, that's not really biracial, bicultural maybe."
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REPLY
12. Batman, 2016
"+Storm Bey It's the same struggle though"
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REPLY
13. Storm Bey, 2016
"@vaiosony2 Not at all."
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REPLY
14. Batman, 2016
"@Storm Bey
Well I have a different opinion"
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REPLY
15. krusti, 2016
"The reason so much of America is "white" is because for whatever reason you can only ever be black or white. There's no options for those who are brown cause most Mexicans and Latinos are not white."
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REPLY
16. Lapis Diamond Crystal Gems, 2017
"Kristi "you can either be black or white" you are missing the whole point of the poem"
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REPLY
17. Isabela Don, 2018
"Mexican is not a race. It is a culture."
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18. B. Ariel, 2016
"This is my every day. This is how I have felt since I was in middle school. Thank you, brown boy. Thank you, white boy."
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19. Always Honest, 2016
"This hit my core, I struggled with this growing up."
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20. CT Rhodes, 2016
"exactly how i feel except asian girl, white girl"
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21. itisred100, 2016
"I feel this way too. I could never put as well as he has. I'm more white than anything else, but I don't want to abandon the other parts of myself. I also am afraid to be proud of those parts of me. He describes the feeling perfectly."
**
22. Miguel Guzman, 2016
"As a biracial male (Hispanic and White) watching this hit me close to my heart. For the first time I have seen someone successfully portray the emotions I struggled with growing up that i could not put into words. This truly is an amazing poem, much respect and love."
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22, Chay, 2016
"beautiful, its always like this for me it breaks my heart"
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23. Jessi Books, 2016
"this poem speaks to me so much, im half black half white ive always had the same internal conflict. beautifully written and performed."
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24. Mad K, 2016
"I feel this deep man 👌🏼 I'm half Native American (my mom) and white (my biological dad) and when I tell people what I am they say "no you're not? You're blonde?" Like don't they get it? My father is blonde? So what? Just because I'm half something doesn't make me not Native American. The white doesn't always conquer not this time"
**
25. Brooke Hudgins, 2017
"This is true for me as well, I am half black and half white. It's really hard because I'm not really accepted by either side; my skin being so so light, black people think im trying to fit in. White people know something is up in my dna making up my body/facial features though, so they don't really let me in either."
**
26. Leslie Garcia Bobadilla, 2017
"Wow... he explained my daily battles with myself in 2 mins and 40 secs."
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27. Sal K, 2017
"Half white, half Guyanese. Not fitting in is my specialty, my curse, and my blessing. Beautiful poem."
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28. Sara Gussman, 2017
"Literally hits so close to home. Literally started crying the first time I heard it"
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29. Whist Williams, 2017
"He has described the mixed experience so beautifully. I myself am mixed and constantly feel this around family and my community and it really does eat at you. You can never be white enough around the white people yet black enough for the black people or latino enough for the latino people, need I go on? Race tears away at me and so many others everyday and this man has presented it more perfectly than I have ever seen before"
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30. lowkeytaijah, 2017
"although so many people say that race isn't an important factor in one's life...it is. it's honestly so hard not knowing where you belong; even within your own family."
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31. Kylee Ransom, 2017
"im biracial and i totally get this. one group may want you to identify with them, and another not so much. this was great."
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32. CarinaChristo, 2017
"I've watched this so many times and still can't explain how perfect it is. As a half-Latina growing up in a mainly white upper middle class suburb I feel so disconnected from my roots but at the same time feel like I don't even have the right to identify with this whole half of me I'm so isolated from but also connect with internally so much in the music I listen to, the food, and even just ways of thinking. I feel like a poser for calling myself Latina and question what people even see me as.
I don't know if you can tell but I'm still going through my identity crisis."
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33. kalli amelya, 2017
"I feel this on so many levels, being black and Asian. Both sides of the family thinking you're not pure or good enough, when you're dad literally calls you the black sheep in every situation and it hurts. Beautiful and eloquently put poem."
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34. Sarah Carter, 2017
"THANK YOU JONATHAN MENDOZA. You gave a voice and painted the picture we want to speak. Every single line. Every single word. Helping us feel less alone in this struggle. I identify with every single part of this poem. Thank you."
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35. f, 2018
"This is honestly one of the most powerful poems I've ever heard. Growing up biracial, I had similar experiences, but I could never find the right words to make others understand how torn I felt between my two identities. Thank you so much for sharing this poem with the world, and giving a voice to an often silenced identity."
**
36. Peter Gratham, 2018
"Thank you for this. This poem touched me so deeply and spoke to my specific struggle with being biracial in a way I have always felt but never heard articulated. Thank you."
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