A Little Black Girl's Response To Being Called Ugly

Edited by Azizi Powell

Update: December 29, 2019- Unfortunately, the video that prompted this post is no longer available. However, this post includes a video summary and comments which I believe make it still worthwhile.

This pancocojams post showcases a video that was posted on facebook in which a four year old Black girl shares what her response was to a boy in her kindergarden class calling her ugly.

This post also provides information and comments about a seven year Black girl whose parents were told that they had to change her hairstyle in order for her to remain in that private school because dreadlocks (and afros) were prohibited. It's interesting to note that that private school is affiliated with a historically Black university, and almost all of its administration, staff, and students are Black.

The content of this post is presented for cultural and sociological reasons.

All copyrights remain with their owners.

Thanks to Cici and her mother, and Tiana and her parents for sharing their stories with the world. Thanks also to all those who are quoted in this post.

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Sonya Love Siahj
Abaco Central High
January 20 [2015], reposted from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/06/girl-responds-to-boy-who-called-her-ugly-video_n_6816840.html

"Man listen, I weak. I asked my daughter how was school today and this is the story i got

Post by Sonya Love Siahj.

"What happened in school today?" her mom, Sonya, asks in the video. "A little boy said I looked ... ugly," Cici responded.

"And what did you say?" Cici's mom asked.

"I said, 'I didn't come here to make a fashion statement. I came here to learn -- not look pretty,'" Cici replied, adding, "The little boy said I looked 'bad,' and I said, 'Did you look in a mirror lately? Bye bye, see you later, you're making me mad.'"
-snip-
Explanation for the sentence "I was weak" = I was amused. (I laughed so hard that it made me feel weak.)
-snip-
In spite of that response, hopefully Cici's mother recognizes the seriousness of this incident. Cici is quick on her feet with come backs to put downs, and she is also quite pretty. My guess is that her mother and other people compliment her on both of these attributes.

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COMMENTS FROM THE WEBSITE WHERE THIS VIDEO WAS FOUND
Here are selected comments from the website whose link is given above:
(All of the comments are from March 6, 2015)
Lynn Marie
"Cute and smart! She's going far! I love that she is so confident, at such a young age. I hope she makes good use of her quick mind all throughout her life.

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Christine McCord , Indianapolis, Indiana
"I think she's cute as a button. But I can also say, she knows just how to hand a bully, they really can't stand up to a strong response."

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Rhonda Lewis ·
"I am so proud of her, she is being taught well. BTW she is beautiful"

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Elizabeth Reday, California State University, Los Angeles
"Don't worry CiCi...obviously that boy has a crush on you! You are too cute:)"

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Reply
Jessica Anthony, Tinley Park, Illinois
"No. We need to stop telling little girls that boys hurting them means they like them. You wonder why women in abusive relationships often stay? It's because of this. They've been taught from a young age that boys hurting you, whether physically or verbally, means he actually loves you. It is a LIE."

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Lauren Joiner, The University of Arizona
"Not gonna lie, she is pretty adorable. Even though she had an amazing reaction to that little boy, the way she paused before she could even say the word ugly makes me think that it did affect her."

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Reply
Ebony Williams, Tallahassee, Florida
"Lauren Joiner...I saw the same thing. It did sting a little, but she bounced back and stood up for herself."

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EDITOR'S QUESTION AND COMMENTS: WAS THIS LITTLE GIRL TOLD SHE WAS UGLY BECAUSE HER HAIR WAS IN DREADS?
From the video found above, Cici's hair looks like it is in dreads (dreadlocks, locks). I wonder if the boy called Cici ugly because she has that natural style. Very few girls or boys in my city (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) have dreads. Often their parents have dreads or some other natural hair style (meaning, they don't use any chemicals or hot comb treatments to straighten their naturally tightly curly hair.)

From early ages children are taught through mass media that certain hairstyles are pretty and "normal". I believe that television, movies, videos, and books show a wider range of hairstyles then was the case when I was a child in the 1950s. For instance, a number of commercials and other mass media include Black females with "curly"/ "frizzy" hair. However, there are very few examples of adults or children with dreads on television and other mass media.
cadults with dreads are rarely seen in the mass media. I believe that results in children with dreads being teased because they are "different".

Children are often cruel towards someone who they consider to be different. Therefore, those children need even more positive reinforcement and "what to do if" coaching so that they can be at least somewhat prepared for likely putdowns and more.

Click http://pancocojams.blogspot.com/2015/02/zendayas-dreadlocks-india-aries-i-am.html for a related pancocojams post about actress, singer Zendaya's reaction to taunting remarks about the dreadlock hairstyle that she wore to the 2015 Academy Awards ceremony.

Also, click http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/05/tiana-parker-dreads_n_3873868.html for the article "Tiana Parker, 7, Switches Schools After Being Forbidden From Wearing Dreads"
The administrators of a small private school in the state of Oklahoma informed the parents of a seven year old girl with dreads that her hairstyle was prohibited by school policy because "that hairstyle did not look “presentable,”and "distracting". That same school policy indicated that "afros","dreadlocks", and "mohawks" were prohibited because they were "fads". That girl's parents tried to get the school to change that policy, but eventually enrolled their daughter in another school where how she wears her hair isn't an issue.

Here are several comments from that article's discussion thread. (All comments are from September 5-6, 2013)
Tiana_Cameron
"Since when were dreads or afros a fad? They're a part of our heritage, our culture - our hair grows out into a natural afro, how is hair texture a fad? So basically she should chemically perm her hair and possibly cause damage to her scalp in order to "look appropriate"? This is disgusting."

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bazinga
"I proudly served my country in the Air Force working in mental health, with my dreadlocks. It was the first question I asked the recruiter. I value myself too much to be a part of an organization that is more concerned with what I have ON my head, than what I have IN my head. It is shameful for this school to teach children that what they look like naturally is somehow wrong or a bad decision. Damaging yourself with extremely harmful chemicals to look euro-centric, when you are not, is not an intelligent decision. This school could learn a thing or two from this child and her parents."

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mercedeseclass
"When was the last time you saw a person of success with dreads? ..please..stop the nonsense..no tatoos..dreads..etc...

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Reply
proudlyliberal23
"The managing partner at the law firm down the street. the mayor of mt vernon. ny. A law professor at harvard."

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Alice R.
"Banning protective styles for African-textured hair is equivalent to banning a French braid or chin bob in straight-haired -- excuse me, I meant white, because that's really what we're talking about -- people. I understand that there are a lot of people who just don't "get" how to take care of African hair. I had to have a biracial cousin and learn to do cornrows before it occurred to me that there was a major difference. But this is banning two of the most common and easiest to maintain hairstyles for black people. What, gonna demand you put a weave on a child of SEVEN so it looks pleasing to you? This reminds me of that school that had banned cornrows and "afro puffs," two other easy-to-maintain and protective hairstyles for African hair."

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GetPaid_Everyday
"Something is missing from this story. Their policy is a little TOO targeted and I'm surprised considering the sponsor of the school is Langston University, a predominantly and historically black college. So a child from an Indian Sikh household can have hair as long as they want, white girls can apparently let their hair grow as long as they want, but a child from Jamaica from a Rastafarian household can't have the religious freedom to wear dreads!!??"
-snip-
Langston University is in Oklahoma.

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Dottie T. (underground72)
"I agree.. I'm thinking black ran and operated. Maybe there thinking is dread is too connected to the street life instead of the clean black man image.."

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Maurice B. (MoeB)
"LOL!!!

So let me get this straight...dreadlocks, which are a NATURAL hairstyle for blacks (and others, but blacks primarily), and is a GREAT way to grow our hair, is deemed terrible, but hair weaves are okay????

Natural hair = BAD.
Fake hair = GOOD?

Essentially what they're saying is, black hair is terrible, and thus the only 'presentable' hair must either BE from white people (weaves), or must LOOK like white hair (straightened, processed, etc.).

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Des S. (Des_Shawn)
"I find this to be extremely sad. This is a baby..they shamed a baby. I commend her parents for pulling her out of the school, it clearly wasn't interested in truly educating children. When you spend more time worrying about what's on a child's head than what you can put in it, there is an issue. Black, white or indifferent, this was wrong."

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Visitor comments are welcome.

Songs About Strong, Positive Black Men

Edited by Azizi Powell

Black Brother Tribute



Uploaded by quepasse2008 on Dec 24, 2008

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This post features video performances of songs about strong Black men.

Enjoy and be inspired!

FEATURED VIDEOS

Video #1: Black Brother Tribute

This video is posted at the top of this page.
Here's the video uploader's comment:
"i wanted to show my apprieciation for all black men regardless.**NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED** **ALL PICTUES, MUSIC BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS**"
-snip-
The vocalist is Angie Stone.

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Video #2: 'John Henry' BIG BILL BROONZY (1951) Country Blues Guitar Legend



Uploaded by RagtimeDorianHenry on Apr 2, 2009
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A summary of the fictitious story of "John Henry" is found in the uploader's comment from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcKJgJ1KHVs "Legends & Tales - John Henry", a video compilation of pictorial depictions of the fictitious character "John Henry":

"John Henry was an African American who was born with a hammer in his hand. Strong, resourceful, John Henry becomes king of the railroad camps, known far and wide for his prowess with a hammer. He can drive more steel than any man alive. To prove it, he is engaged in a contest with a new superior steam drill. Man goes against machine, and man wins! But it kills John Henry, leaving only a legacy of pride and perserverance."

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Video #3: Isaac Hayes - Shaft [Live In Montreux 2005]



KAD MUSIK, Published on Oct 8, 2012
-snip-
From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaft_(1971_film)
"Shaft is a 1971 American blaxploitation film directed by Gordon Parks, released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. An action film with elements of film noir, Shaft tells the story of a black private detective, John Shaft, who travels through Harlem and to the Italian mob neighborhoods in order to find the missing daughter of a black mobster....

The film was one of only three profitable movies that year for MGM, grossing what Time magazine called an "astonishing" $13 million on a budget of $500,000. It not only spawned several years of "blaxploitation" action films, it earned enough money to save then-struggling MGM from bankruptcy....

Shaft was well received by film critics and is considered by many as one of the best films of 1971."

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Video #4: 4X4 - Waist & Power (African Man)



Uploaded by kwamejoe on Apr 2, 2011
...Visit http://www.GhOnTheMap.BlogSpot.com & http://www.lifestylzgh.com for all your New Ghanaian / African Music 2011 !!

All Music and/or Videos (Including this one) belong to respective owner(s)
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Here's information about this Ghanaian (West African) group from another video of the same song:

"4x4 is made up of Captain Planet, DeCODED (formally Abortion) & Fresh Prince
Cameos from Nana Boroo, Chase & More
Label - X4 Records / One8 /"

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Video #5: Heather Headley's "He Is"



Uploaded by stingstungme on Aug 29, 2008

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My thanks to all composers, and performers. Thanks also to the video uploaders.

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Visitor comments are welcome.

The Changing Meanings Of Being Sassy, part 2

Written by Azizi Powell

This is Part II of a post on the word "sassy". Part II continues an exploration of this word particularly as it has been used in reference to Black females.

Part I provides a general overview of meanings that have been given to the word "sassy". Click http://pancocojams.blogspot.com/2011/09/changing-meanings-of-being-sassy.html.

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Part II

The image of sassy Black girls that is usually portrayed on a number of American television talks shows is of females who are confrontational, loud & rowdy, and unwilling to back down from anyone. These sassy Black girls would stand up in their mama’s face and sass her if they felt like it. I consider this image to be quite negative. Yet, two books that I've found online address the pyscho-social benefits for these females of this form of attitude and behaviors.

From a review of Smart & Sassy-The Strength of Inner City Black Girls by Joyce West Stevens (New York, Oxford University Press, 2002) in Book Review in Child & Youth Care Forum, 32 (5), October 2003, 2003 Human Science Press, Inc, p. 305
"Willful forthrightness in demeanor that expresses a spirited behavioral expressive style of boldness, independence, and courage, which black adolescent girls learn early to deal with everyday hassles. Sassiness can become a form of healthy social resistance that embodies the moral integrity needed to deal with everyday confrontations of social and racial inequities and indignities. During adolescence sassy behavior often emerges as an expressive function of identity exploration." (p. 189)
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From Stephanie Y. Mitchem, Emilie Maureen Townes's 2008 book Faith, Health, And Healing In African American Life p. 188 [Google Books]
"Sassiness is as protective of black girls' vulnerabilities as the development of young black women's attitude. Attitude is sassiness grown up and is characterized by quick comebacks, argumentativeness, or biting humor. Attitude is also learned and helps young woman establish personal style ,negotiate new areas of school or work and is again protective. A White male colleague defined his experiences of encountering attitude when he stated “If a black woman is mad at you, you might as well be dead”. Such attitude is a protective stance, a kind of preventative medicine against the world’s cruelty. Both sassiness and attitude are modes of women’s operations in the world as independent agents. Such self-protection may seem a flimsy barrier with which to negotiate the world, but it can serve to maintain mental health, resiliency, and identity.

These ways of self-protection also become important as black women move into the working world."
-snip-
In spite these psycho-social assessments of sassiness, it appears to me that being sassy is still largely viewed negatively among African Americans. So how did that definition of "sassy" change to one that emphasizes the positive characteristics of "cool", "lively", "spirited", and "spunky"?

I think that much of the "credit" for this change in definitions belongs to the considerable influence on certain populations of the now defunct Sassy Magazine (1988-1994 or 1996 depending on different online sources).
From How Sassy Changed By Life
"For a generation of teenage girls,Sassy magazine was nothing short of revolutionary—so much so that its audience, which stretched from tweens to twentysomething women, remains obsessed with it to this day and back issues are sold for hefty sums on the Internet. For its brief but brilliant run from 1988 to 1994, Sassy was the arbiter of all that was hip and cool, inspiring a dogged devotion from its readers while almost single-handedly bringing the idea of girl culture to the mainstream. In the process, Sassy changed the face of teen magazines in the United States, paved the way for the unedited voice of blogs, and influenced the current crop of smart women’s zines”."
-snip-
While I don’t have any demographical information to prove it, my hunch is that far fewer Black females than White females read Sassy magazine or were even familiar that there was such a magazine. I believe that this explains why many White commenters and many Black commenters in that Huffington Post article that was featured in the first part of Pancocojams' post on Being Sassy The Changing Meanings Of Being Sassy disagreed on what sassy means. Just because you live in the same nation at the same time and both speak English, doesn't mean that you have the exact same cultural influences, or that you will interpret those influences the same way.

I'm ending this post with the words to Maya Angelou poems and videos of those poems because they speak to the self-confident meanings of being sassy and/or the positive meaning of being a female.

STILL I RISE
(Maya Angelou)

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame - I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain - I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear - I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear - I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

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Maya Angelou- Still I Rise



Uploaded by mkimimi on Mar 17, 2007

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PHENOMENAL WOMAN
(Maya Angelou)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

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Phenomenal Woman - Ruthie Foster Live at Antone's



Uploaded by BlueCornMusic on Jun 15, 2011

Performance from Ruthie Foster's new live DVD/CD Ruthie Foster Live at Antone's available 6/21/11.

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